Radiation sucks!

Hope you all had a wonderful Holiday. We really enjoyed our time with our extended families. Unfortunately I wasn't the greatest company Christmas Eve because I was completely fatigued. But I made myself comfy in my favorite chair at my SIL's, and they all treated me like always -- with love and compassion -- which made me feel like more than a bump under a blanket. I headed to bed early, but it didn't seem to slow the festivities. It was wonderful to spend time with all four of the Moundays again; our timing has been a little off lately to allow that.

On Christmas morning, I woke up dizzy. I've had moments of vertigo here and there, but this was pretty steady and very unsettling. Once we got to Shelley's and had lunch, I settled into a comfy corner of their couch with my camera, and the vertigo passed. I was really worried that was going to be my existence for awhile, and that was quite frightening to me. THE KID and our little Missy had such a good day; at 21 months, McKaylen idolizes Cody, and watched -- pointing and giggling -- every move he made.

I've had a bit of a setback. A section of the skin in the 'boost' shot area is breaking down a bit. Imagine a sunburn which has started to peel. Being in the place it is, this section of skin is routinely rubbing against clothing, so it's a constant irritation, and it's rather raw and tender. The tech had Dr. Perez-Tamayo check it out before my treatment, and she checked it out again afterward. I'm assigned another ointment to use with the original anti-itch prescription ointment. For overnight, I get to use this most disgusting gauze that's impregnated with some kind of petrolatum that makes it gooey; but it sticks without tape, and that's a good thing.

The bummer is that I won't be having more radiation this week in an effort to allow this skin to heal. I am to see the doctor before radiation on Monday, and hopefully will receive my final four treatments and be finished next week, pretty close to on schedule. This came as a huge rush of disappointment that rather surprised me. But I took a few minutes to cry like a baby, then got back into the routine of the day.

One thing I have changed is giving up my bra. This makes me very self-conscious -- as it would for any C/D cup girl -- but fortunately (1) it's cold this time of year in Kansas, so (2) I can layer my clothes and (3) I don't think anybody but my doctor noticed. She's tried to get me to do without a bra all along, but I just couldn't bear being without one until I can't bear wearing it. I'm confident my mother will get a big hoot out of this, recalling how adamant she was that I wear my bra in Junior High and High School and how strongly I battled to wear halter tops without one!!! (For my younger readers, this was back in the day when we tried NOT to show our underwear to the world!!!)

I've given myself a break tonight, eaten my favorite comfort foods, slept a lot and wallowed in my disappointment. I'm off to bed shortly, and have determined that tomorrow will be a better day. Fiddle-le-de.

32 down, 6 to go

It should be downhill from here, right? On the one hand, I'll only have three treatments per week because of the Christmas and New Year's Holidays at the Cancer Center. On the other hand, I've had 32 treatments, and they're kicking my butt. It's better now, though, because I know what to expect. I came home from a brutal day at the office yesterday and slept for two HOURS on the couch. Got up, talked on the phone a bunch, had something to eat and went back to bed!!!

Tonight was not SO bad; I only slept for an hour or so after a bit of grocery shopping. Geez, the crowds are out in the stores. The shopping's not bad (unless you want green onions from the produce department at Wal-Mart) and the shoppers are pleasant enough in the stores, but the parking is NUTS!!!

So I'm happy I'm almost finished with treatment, but I still have to get through the next couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to the break in treatment, and the Holidays -- through half-open eyes.

g'night my friends!!!

25 down, 13 to go

Now I've had the 10 boost shots. They were a lot easier to receive, as all I had to do was lie down on the table, put my arm in its cradle, and one 30 second zap later, get dressed again. But they were a bit more intense, and, SHOCKER, tiring.

I had x-rays again on Wednesday. I'm told each time my treatment changes, I'll have a day with x-rays but no treatment. Assume the position, x-ray (x 2 or 3), photos, and get dressed.

That's right, y'all, they regularly take photos of my breast. I wonder if my left breast is jealous. It's bigger now, so it shouldn't be!!! I warned Kelli & Tiff that if those photos wound up on the internet, I knew where to find them!!!

The broader treatments resumed yesterday. Funky positioning, then 4 zaps (x ~20 seconds each), and back to the waiting room. I've been joined in this quest by a lovely lady who's a bit greyer than me named June. She has now stopped chemo until she finishes radiation; since nobody but me seems to understand cancer staging, I have no idea how she's progressing. She's a lovely lady wth the greatest salt-and-pepper hair in a snazzy short cut who presents herself each day in a wheelchair, accompanied by a sweet and gentle white-haired man whom I assumed was her husband, or at least (as mom says), 'gentleman friend'. I learned today that he's 'just' a friend, having helped care for his own mother who died from cancer, followed several years later by his own wife. He brings June to the Cancer Center every day, helps her change into her half gown, pushes her here and there as needed, keeps her company, brings her tissues, and I'm confident holds her head and her hand when she was sick from chemo. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Watching them makes me so thankful that I'm only Stage I, but even more thankful for the man who shares my life. He's been so supportive, encouraging and understanding, though I'm confident he's worried and tired of hearing me whine.

This has been a good week; I've had a lot of energy and managed to behave more like a healthy person again. The fatigue hit like a brick this afternoon, and I've been laying around since I came home from work. But tomorrow will be better, and the end of treatment is finally in sight. I'm sorry I haven't posted more often, but it's pretty much the same thing, day after day.